Awaiting Rapture, believers eat last meals, bid farewell to pets

I'm sad, to think if I had known somebody who believed in this. All the free stuff I could have got.

"Hey bob, since you're going to heaven and whatnot can I have your TV and other stuff. I mean, it's not like you'll need it."

So we went and pigged out on a last dinner of Szechuan last night, and when I woke up the living room looks the same.
I thought Heaven would be a lot classier, there's still cat hair on the chesterfield and the angels didn't take even the garbage out. Dirty dishes, full ashtrays!
What kind of Rapture gives you a flamin' arsehole? Is that the Burning Ring of Fire they talk about?

"Hey Jim... about that rapture thing I was talking about, it seems Jesus is going to be a little late. Can I have my stuff back... please?"

I wonder how crow tastes.

What's funny is the pastor in question who predicted this also predicted the rapture back in the 80's but later claimed it was a miscalculation. I wonder how long it will be until he claims he miscalculated this again.

As it turns out, the only person raptured by Christ was Mrs. Ella mae Rudacker, of London, Ontario, 57, mother of three, grandmother of two, who worked at Wimpy's Diner, Torbram Rd, day shift. They say she was very, very nice.

The dead are walking so now i'm really paranoid.

There's a chance you may have ended up in the other place

Did brain and intelligence suddenly go out of style? Between this clown and that "mentally challenged" misfit giving that hate filled prayer in MN Representatives Chamber I'm starting to get frightened as to what comes next.

I was raptured on Saturday. But then I ran out of Scotch.

Thanks for putting this one in my head...

I'm calling in "raptured" to work on Tuesday but hope to be back on Wednesday.