1. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars", including the
inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
2. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
3. You experience a warm fuzzy feeling while picturing a fat man with a
blonde Mr. Spock haircut giving a recorder recital to an audience of two:
an orange and purple sleepy-eyed giraffe with a voice like Lee Marvin and a
pin-headed hyper rooster who is made out of a flannel tea cozy and lives in
a bag on the wall.
4. You can easily get several people near you to wax nostalgic on this
same image (#3).
5. This doesn't bother you at all (#4).
6. You know who Ernie Coombs is.
7. You can still whistle the theme to "The Littlest Hobo".
8. Whenever you hear the word "car", you have to stop yourself from
involuntarily reaching back for a hockey net.
9. You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold".
10. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments,
including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast, Doctor", "You all know I canna read
a word... (was that REALLY Sarah McLachlan in that one?)", "Of course, the
medium is the message", and "Kanata".
11. You send angry letters to the CBC demanding the return of the
"Hinterland Who's Who" spots so you can finally find out what happens to
the arctic ptarmigan in winter.
12. You participate in "ParticiPACtion". At least, until you fall down
laughing when you think of how your hair is getting "sweat-EE and
out-of-CONtrol".
13. You spend sleepless nights wondering if Peter Mansbridge and Wendy
Mesley will ever find again the blissful love they once knew.
14. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's
good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
15. You really miss the ongoing saga of Jacques and William. Did they ever
escape those soldiers? And what about the girls? Strangely, just thinking
about it makes me thirsty...
16. You wonder if you're the only one who would like to see Ralph Benmergui
and Ian Hanomansing team up and become the new Wayne and Shuster.
17. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really
use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your ass
and the hair and three layers of skin is worn off the front of your thighs
from carrying your pocket money around). The new coin should have a picture
of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger pattie and have fifteen
different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
18. You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
19. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't
possess a Canadian passport.
20. You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if The Devil's
Advocates made fun of you.
21. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the
missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
22. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar
added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
23. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
24. Pet stores, even now, bring back fond memories of Hammy the Hamster
25. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's
"Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
26. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
27. You wonder idly if there is some government coverup of a covert
operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X Files" from British
Columbia to California, but you're far too apathetic to do anything about
it anyway, though it was nice seeing some of the old "Beachcombers" cast
getting some TV work now and then.
28. You wonder how the hell JD Roberts moved from MuchMusic VJ to national
anchor for CBS.
29. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.
30. You read rather than scanned this list
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