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- Newfoundland declares war on the US -

Category: Canadian Jokes/Canada vs USA Jokes

From:	Hester
Author:	Unknown
Added:	November 18, 2005
Modified:	November 18, 2005
Views:	31852
Votes:	91
Rating:	4.56

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Newfoundland declares war on the US:

President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

George paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?” George asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."

President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

Lard T'underin' bye", said Archie, I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!"

George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie,” I’ll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN!

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Posted By: Anonymous	amazing
Posted By: Anonymous	yes yes sooo very true lmao
Posted By: Anonymous	yes yes sooo very true lmao
Posted By: Anonymous	oh yea...newfoundland rules!!!
Posted By: Anonymous	WOW Newfies are as dumb as all of Canada saids they are. Good to know!
Posted By: Anonymous	One day a Newfoundlander is walking in a field near his farm when he comes upon a bottle. He rubs the bottle and a genie pops out. The genie says to the young Newfoundlander, "Son, you have released me, I will grant you one wish." So, the Newfie ponders it for a few minutes, and says "I want to have a bridge that will connect us to the mainland, so that it will be easier to get back and forth to the rest of Canada." The genie replies, "No, I can't do that. It's too much change, too soon. The people aren't ready for that yet." So, the Newfie thinks about it again, and says, "I'm a proud Newfoundlander and I'm sick of everyone always putting us down and calling us stupid. I want Newfoundlanders to be as smart, if not smarter, than any other Canadian." The genie thinks about this for a minute and replies, "So...do you want two lanes or four?"
Posted By: Arctic_Menace	anonymous two posts above me, you really don't know jack shit about Canada do you? But good joke dude who posted this joke!! Gotta love the Newfs!!!!
Posted By: btm11	way 2 be, arctic_menace, way 2 be
Posted By: Anonymous	one of the funniest I've come across-----true humour
Posted By: Anonymous	Newfies have the best sense of humour in Canada and they're the friendliest people in this wonderful country. God bless them.

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Joke Comments

2 Rdnecks having a beer
Ahahaha, I feel like I have some friends who this happened to in real life!
By Anonymous
3 stupid men
That is hilarious! After hearing what the pilot says... *finger snap over head in valley girl style*
By Anonymous
The New Hockey Player
This is not funny. It is messed up.
By Anonymous
Newfie Air Disaster
Frickin lolz!
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God on the 8th day
I wish I could visit Canada.
By Anonymous