[Newsbot]

Title: Second civil war letters: Alex Jones conspiracy ignites a parody conflict
Category: Funny
Posted By: DrCaleb
Date: 2018-07-05 08:14:03

[Freakinoldguy]

To quote Bug's Bunny "what a maroon". Doesn't Mr. Jones realise that the US has been in a virtual state of civil war since 68' Democratic Convention.

The only thing that's changed is the party that's being targeted.

[BartSimpson]

That little Antifag twerp from Portland who's in a coma after getting his lights put out by a real man is a very real casualty of the civil war.

Except that the war didn't go the way the Incel Division of Antifag thought it would go.

[Thanos]

That guy deserves a coma for attacking the other guy with a collapsible baton. His bad luck for getting nailed hard by someone much better at the street game. And for being dumb enough to let it be recorded too because the lad who knocked him the fuck out was clearly acting in self-defense.

As for the "letters", I put one in an got eighty likes (my best results on Twitter ever) for comparing Mar-A-Lago to Andersonville and saying that the MAGA commanders used up all the medical care to treat their genital warts instead of using it to tend to their own badly-wounded troops.

[bootlegga]

That was some of the best humour I've ever seen on Twitter - here's a few good ones:

$1:

Dearest:

We met to launch the #SecondCivilWar today at a brunch hotspot. We weren't informed there'd be bottomless mimosas; casualties from drunkenness have been staggering.

Fortunately, the RedHats can't decide whether their maps are "fake news" or not.

#secondcivilwarletters

$1:

Dearest Mother.

I write during a lull in fire at my post at IHOB. Heavy casualties overnight due to a shortage of sliders and pancake syrup. The enemy has taken to assaulting us with poisoned Skittles and covfefe. General Stormy promises relief, but I'm not sure we'll last another day. Please tell Father I love him. And also that I was the one who drank all his expensive malt whiskey.

#secondcivilwarletters

$1:

War is hell. This is the 3rd week of the Dunkin' Doughnuts siege. The mess hall ran out of gluten free bagels and we were forced to start in on the inventory. I feel so sluggish that the enemy could walk up to me and slit my throat. Our only saving grace is that the company outside is comprised mainly of vegans and we are gradually taking them out with well aimed stale rolls. Smithy caught one in the leg the other day and he went down with a sickening crack as his leg bone shattered. Unfortunately Johnson bit it yesterday. He was taking a selfie with a POW when a sniper took his head off. Luckily the phone was undamaged and the resulting picture is currently trending.

The tide is likely to turn soon when our reinforcements from Texas arrive hopped up on chemically washed beef. Those weak boned losers won't know what hit them. Anyway, must go now as the evening Latte rations are being served and I want to get there before the chocolate sprinkles run out.

Your loving son Tarquin

[BartSimpson]

$1:

casualties from drunkenness have been staggering.

[Coach85]

Antifag?

While I agree with you Bart, no need to throw in the homophobe stuff

[Thanos]

$1:

Dearest Martha,
Even bloody and bruised, and suffering from their horrific dependencies to meth, hentai, and jenkem, the surrendering MAGAs and mom's-basement dwellers from 4Chan and Reddit still carried themselves with a certain pride and dignity. It was a sight to stir the heart as they regretfully handed over their keyboards and anime-pillows ...

That entire thread was terrific, one of Twitter's greatest moments in it's entire history.

[N_Fiddledog]

Reminds me of that South Park episode where Cartman refights the civil war to win a bet.

[Tricks]

Thanos Thanos:

$1:

Dearest Martha,
Even bloody and bruised, and suffering from their horrific dependencies to meth, hentai, and jenkem, the surrendering MAGAs and mom's-basement dwellers from 4Chan and Reddit still carried themselves with a certain pride and dignity. It was a sight to stir the heart as they regretfully handed over their keyboards and anime-pillows ...

That entire thread was terrific, one of Twitter's greatest moments in it's entire history.

Your obsession with Reddit is very strange.

[Thanos]

Reddit didn't do itself any favours with the sort of boards it used to allow to exist on their platform. They only did something about it when they got called out for it. And they still let way too many things go with what they permit the alt-Reich and others to post. Example, this.

[BartSimpson]

Coach85 Coach85:

Antifag?

While I agree with you Bart, no need to throw in the homophobe stuff

Thanks, I won't use this one again. Just getting sick of these little twerps assaulting people and the pattern is always these white, vegetarian-esque, pasty-faced, momma's boys who literally can't take the violence they dish out.

[BartSimpson]

Thanos Thanos:

Reddit didn't do itself any favours with the sort of boards it used to allow to exist on their platform. They only did something about it when they got called out for it. And they still let way too many things go with what they permit the alt-Reich and others to post. Example, this.

Some people still believe in free speech...warts and all.

[Thanos]

It is what it is but Reddit can't complain if others think that they're a place to avoid because they opt to not do anything when their platform is used by cretins. It's long past time to quit pretending that these basement-dwellers with their kek flags and stupid Pepe avatars are just some "harmless" young pranksters. They're not, they're willing volunteers and promoters of a movement that is atavistic and, at it's core, completely reprehensible.

[BartSimpson]

Thanos Thanos:

It is what it is but Reddit can't complain if others think that they're a place to avoid because they opt to not do anything when their platform is used by cretins. It's long past time to quit pretending that these basement-dwellers with their kek flags and stupid Pepe avatars are just some "harmless" young pranksters. They're not, they're willing volunteers and promoters of a movement that is atavistic and, at it's core, completely reprehensible.

I happen to like Pepe!